it's all about balance, as far as i can tell. you need to receive what you want. i need to receive what i want. if our wants [re - our relationship] are completely different, i guess it might feel bad? i'm just guessing though.

-no, that sounds pretty apropriate. we strive for balance, but when we get it we can only handle it as a period of rest before we want to throw some more experience into the melting pot. because if you stop to consider it, balance is boring. i don't need to recieve what i want (although that feels good too) and sometimes i don't want what i thought i wanted (once i get it.) bad is a relative term. does anything ever really feel bad? brian used to make me cry and i loved him for it because through him i was able to feel emotions i don't normally allow myself to feel. i would cry and then i would laugh and sometimes i would do both at the same time.

i don't want to want things that make you feel uncomfortable, or unable to talk around me or whatever. but i think of you sitting on the floor - candles - i feel completely calm all over again. i think my wanting more is just an instinctive reaction. the candy tastes good so keep putting it in mouth.

-i make myself uncomfortable. you have no control over how i feel, thankgod. and if you did i probably wouldn't like you - in a pure and good manor. i'd probably like you only because you made me feel, and not because of who you are. i liked sitting on your floor, carving my name into the wood (heh.) and talking with you. i like talking with you. i don't want anything from you, but it would probably feel better if i did. you would probably feel needed. i like feeling needed.

i suspect that's not suppose to be a good way to feel.