mark is downstairs sleeping with the cat crooked in his arm. he looks beautiful. and i'm sorry that i don't know who he is anymore. and i'm sorry that i never really did.

i think i should fuck off for a while. so i suppose it's a good thing i'm leaving for denmark in a little under 2 weeks. heh. how is it when i feel like i'm starting a new phase of my life i can only feel regret about those that i leave behind?

and as soon as i wrote that it no longer felt right. because there is nothing in my life that i have to feel regret over. sometimes i get the sense that i'm trying to drag people up onto my level of joy. except joy is not something that can be taught. it's an experience and an expression of self and that's not something that can feel real unless it's lived out.

joy [as] an expression of self.

i like that.