I didn't think you'd post my reply.

I don't think I made it ugly.

I agree that it doesn't fit with the rest of your peoples' replies.

Shall I dissect myself?

##quoted ::

All - or none.

And that's what I try for.

After months (or moments) of half-believing (half thoughts?) Today (and every day) I (we) came to the complete (a complete half belief) conclusion (nothing ever ends - you taught me this) that I (we) love (hate) myself (ourselves).

I'm sorry, I thought this was supposed to be about me, not you. Yours was about you - mine is about me. It's even about me when I say WE. This is how I feel. This is how I am. This is what I see. I'm so damn sorry it doesn't fit into your happy little world. Yes, I'm am pissy.

Have you ever played a card game on a computer? The kind where there are lots of little rules and they've all been carefully programmed into the system is interesting. Perhaps the assumption that the rules you're forced to play by are the actual rules is a bit much, but - it doesn't matter - does it?

Some of the reasons why:

I am creative. (I am creation.) I am compassionate. (I am compassion.) I am loving. (I am love.) I am beautiful. (I am beauty.) I am trustworthy. (Yes.) I am joyful. (I am joy.) I am loyal. (I am loyalty.) I am truthful. (- and sorta repetitive - but sometimes not loud enough the first time.) I am wise. (I am wisdom - teeth.) I am thoughtful. (I am thought of.) I am considerate. (I am consideration.) I am thankful. (Thank you.) I am grateful. (Gratuity.) I am trusting. (Like a bank?) I am incredible. (I am incredulous.) I am transcending. (Transcendence.)

I think I did more than what you requested. Is that the problem? I like what you did. This is what I did. You want a reason? You want a point? You want some sort of direction? Wish I had something to give you. THIS IS ABOUT ME, I thought THAT was the point.

I am (Iams) sending (spreading) this (anything everything) to (from) everyone (no one) I (we) have (not) an (un) email address (digitized humanity) for (four.) I don't know why (I know exactly why.) I felt inspired (there I said it - see!) to do such a thing (What? This little ole' thing?) but (walk around in circles) I am (Iams) of the sort lately (always and forever and never) that believes (understands) in the following (leading) inspiration (and again.) to whatever (any and all) end (beginning). Maybe (of course) you'll (they'll) send (receive) it (anything) back (front) to (from) me (you) with a totally (encompassing) new (old) and incredible (incredulous - now I'm repeating) twist (train of thought) but (provisions added after 'but') still including (giving credit) the original (ME) talent (birds are singing outside - nothing to do with talent.) Changing (breathing) it (this) into (out) something (everything) I (you) never (always) would have (could have/should have) imagined (known) and therefore (ergo) amazing (normal enough) me with your (us) creativity (push) and original (shove) natures (mother). or (to the rest of you) maybe (i bet) you'll (i'd) ignore (read over and over) it (everything) with the (without) highest understanding (coming closer) that it is not (to the fact) for you (we are we.) either way (SCREAM - because you can.)

Is it so hard to see that I don't care how much catsup you use? I more than appreciate you doing dishes and cleaning up. I'm not sure how to repay the consideration that you show me. Logically - I'd just be considerate. Sometimes, often - more often than not - I'm not so good at that. People are different - each and every one. People are people. Sorry if that puts some one in a group they're not supposed to be in.

With love (hate) and affection (taunting),

You wanted people to write you back: What's hate worth to you any way? You could have wrote out a creative nasty-gram and gotten a pretty good response too I bet. I understand that writing happy things means that you're probably not happy and while all the runs along following perfect reason - I don't I'm not - and I'm so Fn sorry it's not even funny. Maybe I'll try and rewrite my reply so that what I'm trying to do is a little more clear. (It'll never happen I tell myself now.) You wanted others to write back - taunting. Not in a bad way. I dont' really care. You might have noticed. I'm this completely uncaring POS that needs to wraps THIS up and get going to work.

Amber (brian r hughes)

when i send myself to you with love and affection i find you responding with hate and taunting unacceptable, unimaginable, unmindful.

Maybe you're reading something that isn't there. Maybe I'm sending things I never wrote. Maybe a million things - unless you're in a grocery store with mom - then maybe means yes - right?

[unmastered.]

Faultering.