what happens when you stop giving of yourself because the recieving end of things suddenly decides you've become too much? what happens when you could have - or would have - or should have given it your all but you assess the situation and realize that everybody would be just as happy with less than one hundred percent? how soon after do you stop trying to be impressive and inventive and bold?

[the offer:
slowly-slightly-stale
washed up, with
such attentions lacking
as interest wanes
to experience
this defecit, and
i never wanted to
ask anything
of you.

so what of the blame?]

to another : i said i didn't like you. actually - i said i wasn't sure if i liked you. not like like. but like - as a person. generally, i am of the persuassion of easily accepting everyone. with you - not so much - this might affect my vision of things. that you are so good sometimes that i am willing to overlook jabbing edges. it's frustrating - your expectations of happiness when you don't even so much as allow for chance.

i feel good. i am happy. i am complete and perfect. only because i am. because my state of beingness is in no way affected by an outside environment. that in any given moment i am the one who chooses. now do you understand my power?

i am scattered [smile.] and i am without direction. but i am not directionless. i am only without the limit of a desired outcome. life should not be spent considering the destination but living the journey. planning and worrying and wanting is an emotional burden. i want nothing and therefore whatever i recieve i am thankful for. i love who i am. i love who i am becoming.

[i live by my own example.]