--------------------------------------

ICQ History Log For:

4314601 Peek

Started on Fri Jun 01 23:24:37 2001

--------------------------------------

Peek 5/20/01 12:29 AM busy?

Seven 5/20/01 12:29 AM maybe.

Peek 5/20/01 12:32 AM you write a lot, huh?

still?

Seven 5/20/01 12:32 AM write a lot where?

still.

Peek 5/20/01 12:33 AM The diaryland page that is listed as being

your homepage in your ICQ info... more

entries than I think I've ever seen on one of

those.

Seven 5/20/01 12:34 AM i could send you to people who've done more.

(smiles)

so what do you think?

Peek 5/20/01 12:35 AM ...my first thought was that you might

actually be interesting. Right after that

thought, I wondered if I would still think

that after reading an entry.

Seven 5/20/01 12:36 AM and am i interesting?

Peek 5/20/01 12:36 AM I don't know. Obviously you think you are

interesting... and I think that's enough to

base my decision on.

Peek 5/20/01 12:36 AM Then, I saw ani and aimee and was thinking

maybe you knew robyn taylor, or maybe you were

one of the people I talked to at the ani

concert...

Seven 5/20/01 12:37 AM no, i didn't talk to anyone at the ani concert

but isn't she amazing?

Seven 5/20/01 12:38 AM what shall we talk about today?

Peek 5/20/01 12:39 AM Ani is amazing, yes.

So, are you saying you aren't busy? Or,

'maybe' still?

Seven 5/20/01 12:40 AM for you, i am not busy.

you have proved yourself, somewhat.

heh.

Peek 5/20/01 12:41 AM Proved is a word? Cool.

Peek 5/20/01 12:41 AM I think it was your info that made me decide

to look at the diary page.. what does it say.

Hmm. I shall look again.

Seven 5/20/01 12:42 AM tell me.

i forget.

Peek 5/20/01 12:42 AM Maybe not.

Peek 5/20/01 12:42 AM It looks empty.

Seven 5/20/01 12:42 AM odd...

Peek 5/20/01 12:42 AM Either I'm on crack, or you just changed it.

Seven 5/20/01 12:42 AM i would vote for crack.

Peek 5/20/01 12:42 AM well.. not empty.

i like when people fill these out.

[even if i never do.]

Peek 5/20/01 12:43 AM i have to go to atlanta. that sucks.

have you been to the southern states?

Seven 5/20/01 12:44 AM i have never been anywhere.

(seriously.)

BC - that's it.

Peek 5/20/01 12:44 AM ...so does this mean you have big plans to get

up and leave the second you are able to?

Seven 5/20/01 12:46 AM yes!

i want to backpack through europe.

Peek 5/20/01 12:47 AM "the person i am and the person i show myself

as being drastically differ. presently, my

main objective is to align them together

perfectly."

...integrity is good, and a good goal in

itself -- but I think you are lying when you

suggest that you lack it. I decide this after

two unrelated entries.

Seven 5/20/01 12:48 AM what do i suggest i lack?

which entries?

Peek 5/20/01 12:49 AM integrity.

entries? ummm..

Seven 5/20/01 12:50 AM i am not lacking in integrity.

Peek 5/20/01 12:52 AM That's what I just said. :)

Seven 5/20/01 12:52 AM i thought you were saying i was lacking

/me confused.

Peek 5/20/01 12:54 AM No no no. Read my message once more?

Seven 5/20/01 12:54 AM lazily looks at history....

Peek 5/20/01 12:56 AM wow and you like tracy chapman too.

good taste you have, i think.

Seven 5/20/01 12:57 AM i like to think so.

do you live in the edmonton area?

Peek 5/20/01 12:59 AM yeah.. sort of. Well, most often I sleep in

St. Albert, but there are a couple offices I

spend a *lot* of time at in Edmonton.

Seven 5/20/01 12:59 AM heh.

what kind of work are you involved in?

so you like ani - are you a hippie/new ager?

Peek 5/20/01 1:01 AM I didn't finish highschool. I work in

software development...

I play fretless bass... so I listen to all

kinds of music except "my dog got ran over by

the combine country" and such..

Peek 5/20/01 1:02 AM I haven't attempted to have a conversation

with someone I didn't know in more than six

months. I think it shows horribly. :)

Seven 5/20/01 1:02 AM i'm four credits short.

i play guitar and write.

Seven 5/20/01 1:02 AM i think you're doing fine.

Seven 5/20/01 1:03 AM we should jam sometime.

although i feel i should warn you i do not

jam very well.>

Peek 5/20/01 1:07 AM Jam well? I have almost no experience with

such; I play by myself, for myself. Oh my.

It's raining and I'm inside. That makes me

almost as miserable as being outside and it

not raining.

Peek 5/20/01 1:07 AM Driving in the rain is almost the best thing

in the world, I think.

Seven 5/20/01 1:07 AM i think i could love you!

do you jump in puddles?

Seven 5/20/01 1:07 AM that too....

Peek 5/20/01 1:09 AM and I'm listening to a celtic cd so loud that

it is giving me the same feeling that a

perfect dose of codeine does... it's like

this warm tense strange burning in my chest..

and then I think about cobain.. and comfort in

being sad. =)

Seven 5/20/01 1:10 AM i was listeng to celtic music at work today -

i love that stuff - hits you in the heart it

does.

Peek 5/20/01 1:11 AM The last time I jumped in a puddle I fell in

love for five years.

I was SO drunk... and I was breaking

sprinklers... and it was pouring.. and I was

hungover for four days, praying to the

obviously-at-the-time-nonexistent-Gravol-gods.

Seven 5/20/01 1:12 AM laugh.

you poor dear.

Peek 5/20/01 1:12 AM I deserved it. :) I was so wet.

Peek 5/20/01 1:13 AM It's really raining.

Peek 5/20/01 1:13 AM hang on. I have to go and look or something.

ARGH!

Seven 5/20/01 1:13 AM

a good idea to get a little sleep before work>

how often are you on?

Seven 5/20/01 1:14 AM hmm - i'm off and on all the time so msg me

whenever and i'll respond.

later dear.

Peek 5/20/01 1:24 AM Work? Ick. Where do you work?

I'm not on so often lately... I will check

for you though. :)

Peek 5/20/01 1:24 AM Goodnight.

Peek 5/20/01 1:52 AM fuck.... you're smart.

"Oddly I find that the things we hide from the

people that we want to love us are the very

things that cause them to become compassionate

to our plight."

Peek 5/20/01 1:57 AM and it's still raining. -sigh- i should do

some work or sleep or something. maybe i

should go home. i'm sure i will have read

everything on your two pages by the next time

i talk to you.

Peek 5/20/01 2:51 AM ...and now I have tears in my eyes, "but

mostly i'm sorry for killing that little boy

inside of you. the one who once always came

back." ...wow.

Peek 5/20/01 2:54 AM ...for some reason, i hope one day i might get

to speak to the you who writes what i am

reading. sleep time.

Peek 5/20/01 9:09 PM all i can think of.. is "fuck."

Peek 5/20/01 9:21 PM excuse my horrible annoyingness. i really

don't think i can help it.

you're left handed, you've put more than a

half second of thought into whether or not

watching *Willow again would taint your memory

of it.. learners license for far too long...

tequila... you used to bite enough that it was

an issue to some... you quit smoking some

time around christmas... and then I get

freaked out and go and sit outside for a while

to watch the clouds. i hope you come and

talk, but.. i don't think i'd know what to

say, or if i should say anything i think of

saying. so back to "fuck."

Peek 5/21/01 1:05 AM i thinks i bugged you. hmf.

Seven 5/21/01 4:01 PM hello you!

Peek 5/21/01 4:04 PM :)

you didn't die?

Seven 5/21/01 4:04 PM nope, just worked.

Peek 5/21/01 4:05 PM twice, i hope.

Seven 5/21/01 4:05 PM worked like crazy!

Peek 5/21/01 4:06 PM what do you do? or is it more a case of

"where do you work?"

Seven 5/21/01 4:06 PM laundry room - blah.

Peek 5/21/01 4:07 PM okay, i remember now. i thought you liked it?

Seven 5/21/01 4:08 PM i do like it, but it's tiring.

and i was tired this morning to begin with.

Peek 5/21/01 4:11 PM Anything is better than school, I think...

something to be said for mindless type work,

definitely, except for people who don't have..

i don't know.. any passion for thinking?

learning on their own.. need to learn... i

work with about two dozen of them..

"drafters" ...they sit, quite content.. but

not happy.. and it is depressing.

Seven 5/21/01 4:13 PM i like that my job affords me the time to let

my mind wander.

Peek 5/21/01 8:57 PM ...i sent you quite a few messages... humm..

and you haven't told me to go away.. but you

haven't really said much of anything...

i hope you will write some time when you're

not busy and tired. i'll continue pretending

to wait patiently for a conversation. *s*

Seven 5/21/01 8:59 PM laugh.

let's have a conversation now.

starting from scratch... - fire away.

Seven 5/21/01 9:01 PM you wrote so much i don't know exactly what to

respond to - i apprieciate the words though -

and that you take an interest in what i have

to say.

Seven 5/21/01 9:02 PM you're not there...?

tragic.

Peek 5/21/01 9:02 PM hahaha. that's too funny

Seven 5/22/01 1:45 PM we seem to enjoy missing each other.

Peek 5/22/01 5:26 PM seem to.

when do you work? i haven't figured that out

yet.

Peek 5/22/01 6:37 PM think i'm gonna go drink myself into a coma or

something. but at least my office smells like

some citrus stuff that plugs into the wall.

plug-in-to-the-wall citrus. wow. i guess i

just didn't realize how good i had it. thanks

for the attempted conversation type messages.

i got one of them at just the right time (i

almost quit my job three times today) and it

kinda made me laugh.. so that's a good thing.

maybe i'll write e-mail later, if you don't

mind. doubt you could mind though, cause it

would probably be me obsessing over what i've

read or something silly like that... or you

could write to me seeing as how my combined

messages must be worth something.. *s*

pandaro@telusplanet.net works. or you could

tell me that you think i'm a psycho stalker

obsessive freak and that you are calling the

police. but then i'd just laugh and say

"woah." and that wouldn't be so funny because

how would i ever know what you thought of all

the stupid shit i have commented on or might

comment on? oh yeah i guess i would know what

you thought, if you were calling the police.

well, i wouldn't, but i'm sure i'd make an

assumption or two.

okay.. well, i'm writing now. i feel

somewhat uncomfortable. i'm worried that

perhaps i have invested something other than

just some reading time--in a non-existent

friendship... like those sociopaths who had

to seek psychiatric attention when the

survivor show ended. maybe i'm like that.

maybe i'll be looking for an ECT sign-up form

in the next couple of days. they probably

wouldn't accept credit cards...

errrrch!

i shouldn't be sending you more messages, huh?

i stop here.

probably talk to you one day... *s*

Peek 5/23/01 9:12 PM I'm sorry if I freaked you out / annoyed you

-- I won't bother you anymore. I trust a

little too easily or something, lately.

Seven 5/24/01 12:44 AM dude - you haven't freaked me out in the

slighest - i appreciate that you want to

discuss my writing with me - you've shown me

that you are intelligent - i just haven't had

much icq time lately.

Peek 5/25/01 4:11 PM Alright, then, when do you think you will be

"available?"

I don't even want to discuss your writing,

necessarily.. just something. You make me

curious about things. I consider it rare, and

hard to ignore. I hope you understand.

Peek 5/25/01 4:13 PM Guilty for being happy when others are not?

It's their own fault if they're not happy and

you know that.. meaning I think you're lying

about feeling guilty. Talk to you later,

hopefully.

Peek 5/26/01 2:58 AM dying?

Peek 5/26/01 2:58 AM are you around?

Peek 5/26/01 11:55 PM now would be excellent

Peek 5/27/01 12:29 AM *sigh* the cops keep driving around my

office. they make me extra paranoid. read

this if you have a moment, i thought it was..

well..

http://canada.diaryland.com/25012000.html

Peek 5/27/01 3:26 AM you're weird.

Peek 5/27/01 3:52 PM exactly.

Peek 5/27/01 3:57 PM although, my pizza had no cheese or meat. so

i'm weird.

Seven 5/27/01 5:11 PM what would you like to talk about?

Peek 5/27/01 5:15 PM Hey, how long have you been playing guitar?

Seven 5/27/01 5:16 PM a little over a year. maybe two.

i don't quite remember to tell you the truth.

laugh.

Peek 5/27/01 5:16 PM you play often?

Seven 5/27/01 5:17 PM not as often as i should.

Peek 5/27/01 5:17 PM are you really that busy?

Seven 5/27/01 5:17 PM it's not about being busy - it's about lacking

the desire to play.

Peek 5/27/01 5:18 PM you write more than you play, then?

Seven 5/27/01 5:19 PM hell yes.

i'd like to find a musician so i can forget

about the music part of it - to a degree.

Peek 5/27/01 5:20 PM so you'd like to have other people "finish"

what you write and give it to you on a CD?

Seven 5/27/01 5:21 PM no - i like the creative process - i don't

like the cleaning up/ tieing up loose-ends

process.

Peek 5/27/01 5:21 PM ah. responsibility bother you?

Seven 5/27/01 5:22 PM i wouldn't call that responsibility.

but no it doesn't bother me.

Peek 5/27/01 5:24 PM it wasn't related.

the only thing, i think, that stops me from

playing is that it starts to hurt. it's worth

it though. i play by myself because it is

most convenient, i think. convenience is

important to me. and for some reason i'm

seeming complacent today. that sucks.

Peek 5/27/01 5:23 have i already asked you a million questions? are questions bad?

Seven 5/27/01 5:32 PM i don't normally like questions.

with you - totally fine.

i don't know why.

you ask good questions maybe?

(i get bored with the whole a/s/l line of

questioning.)

Peek 5/27/01 5:37 PM i've always liked questions. i prefer being

asked questions than asking questions, because

i have always asked questions. i have a

desire to understand... or maybe an ability to

understand?

you just don't answer, and i make decisions

such as "i should just leave her alone." and

whatever else. i phoned a friend... old

friend from years ago. just wanted to know

how she was doing. she pretended like it was

fine for half an hour on the phone, and as

soon as someone else called (call waiting --

evil) she didn't come back. She didn't have

my phone number.

Seven 5/27/01 5:39 PM i've always liked questions. i prefer being

asked questions than asking questions, because

i have always asked questions. i have a

desire to understand... or maybe an ability to

understand?

you sound exactly like me.

listen - i like you - i can tell you're a

person i would along with famously - for that

i'll give you more attention than i would give

most - if you want it.

Peek 5/27/01 5:41 PM well, that is precisely how i was feeling as i

was reading your diaryland stuff.

at one point it almost scared me, but maybe

that is healthy

Seven 5/27/01 5:41 PM you're going through - as close as i can tell

- something that i went through with someone

about a year ago.

i know how it is.

Peek 5/27/01 5:47 PM Five minutes.

That is what confuses me, I think.

Seven 5/27/01 5:48 PM five minutes?

Peek 5/27/01 5:49 PM sometimes, you expressive -- like cauliflower,

yes.

Seven 5/27/01 5:49 PM do you write?

Peek 5/27/01 5:52 PM once upon a time.

i love typing. it is actually one of those

things that makes everything better.. well,

sometimes. most people like writing with a

pen. i find that is often frustrating beyond

belief. as for the whole mask it in metaphor

blah blah, i don't usually bother. i leave

the "beautiful" stuff to everyone else.

mostly i find it boring.

Seven 5/27/01 5:53 PM i like typing because it's fast - and it

allows me to go back and undo spelling

mistakes without making a mess of my page.

although i do like the feel of blue bic pens

on new paper.

Peek 5/27/01 5:54 PM what was I going to say?

Peek 5/27/01 5:54 PM oh. being left handed makes writing on paper

a challenge.

Seven 5/27/01 5:54 PM how should i know?

laugh.

Seven 5/27/01 5:55 PM you're left handed?

my mom seems to do an okay job - left handed

people have the nicest writing i think.

Peek 5/27/01 5:55 PM Let me find a message.

Peek 5/27/01 5:56 PM Are you not left handed?

Seven 5/27/01 5:56 PM no i'm not.

Peek 5/27/01 5:57 PM are you full of shit?

Seven 5/27/01 5:57 PM completely.

we all are.

Peek 5/27/01 5:57 PM Well, it's either you were, or you are. Pick!

Peek 5/27/01 5:58 PM (full of shit)

Seven 5/27/01 5:58 PM i'm right-handed.

on an entry i had a brain freeze and wrote i

was left-handed i thought i went back and

fixed it....

Seven 5/27/01 5:59 PM i am, i was, i will be,

i don't know.

Peek 5/27/01 6:00 PM What don't you know?

Peek 5/27/01 6:00 PM Er. That was a general question.

Seven 5/27/01 6:01 PM [confused]

new subject matter.

Peek 5/27/01 6:01 PM i'm allergic to weed.

Seven 5/27/01 6:01 PM that's so sad.

how'd you find this out?

Seven 5/27/01 6:01 PM [stupid question]

Peek 5/27/01 6:02 PM I wasn't sure if that was a joke or not.

Peek 5/27/01 6:02 PM I laughed anyway.

Seven 5/27/01 6:02 PM i'm tired.

i feel like i'm being cranky with everyone.

Peek 5/27/01 6:03 PM ...well, I don't know you, so I wouldn't be a

good judge. Are you?

Seven 5/27/01 6:03 PM i think so.

just warning you - in case i seem to be get

snappy.

dude - what time is it?

Peek 5/27/01 6:03 PM 6:07.

Peek 5/27/01 6:03 PM you can be snappy all you want.

Seven 5/27/01 6:04 PM yay.

what if i'd like to snap your head off?

hmm - i don't really.

i'm been feeling sick lately and i don't know

why. i hate not knowing why.

Peek 5/27/01 6:05 PM all interesting people are entitled to a lot

more.

Seven 5/27/01 6:05 PM i have to go shave my head.

i'll be back in a bit.

Peek 5/27/01 6:05 PM sure.

Peek 5/27/01 6:09 PM has your life been significantly different the

past few weeks or whatever, than average

over.. say the past year?

Seven 5/27/01 6:21 PM yes, funny you should ask.

hmm - why do you ask?

Peek 5/27/01 6:27 PM just a feeling, i think?

Seven 5/27/01 6:42 PM i like when people connect.

for whatever reason.

Peek 5/27/01 6:43 PM is your head shiny?

Seven 5/27/01 6:43 PM i like you.