life clicks. but that's the only sound it could ever possibly make. and just because you choose not to see.hear.accept [it] doesn't make it any less real. so. it varies in its degree of volume. and you vary in your degree of appreciation. but don't we all?

[hush little baby, don't say a [fucking] word.]

i have the ability to be sure for the both of us. for the both of anybody. and before you get to thinking that i'm bragging about my capability - it's not a personality trait that i welcome. it hinders. it inhibits. it invites.

[and what of the invitation?]

i am sighing now. because there's not much of who i am that i'm blind to. i'm bored with me. i know myself inside out and fuck-me-up-the-ass back again. i relinquished the confines of the illusion some time ago and sometimes - just sometimes - i would like it back. sometimes i'd like to release the gag-reflex that the responsibility of understanding suffocates onto me.

[yes.]

i choose how i want to experience myself in any given moment. i understand the intent behind my reasoning. i know when i'm spouting shit just to make everything look a little less mudane. just to stir it [you.] up a bit. i haven't settled to the bottom in awhile. and fuck-you if you think i'm going to because the desire to do so is completely lacking.

[you're desire [less.]

maybe it's just a little disconcerning now that i've discovered i have always been the one in control. maybe it's just a thought that takes a little getting used to. warning: i don't have the time. correction: i won't give you the time.

[connect the dots.]

i want this music to be louder. and i don't want to accept that this is the highest amount of noise my computer can make. fuck it:

[dum de dum - dum de dum, dae dae dada.]

virtue is relative at best
there's nothing worse than a sunset
when you're driving due west
and i'm afraid that
my life is gonna come up short
there is nothing there and i guess i'm scared
i want to have good news to reward our time
when i come up for air

now i'm crusing through a chromakey blue sky
but i know that sometimes all i can see is the sun in my eyes
i know that sometimes all i can say
is how i feel
like the whole world is on the other side
of a dirty windshield

and i am trying to see through the glare
yeah i'm struggling just to see what is there

the one person who really knows me best
says i'm like a cat
yeah the kind of cat that you just can't pick up
and throw into your lap
the kind that doesn't mind being held
only when its her idea
yeah the kind that feels what she decides to feel
when she is good and ready to feel it

and now i am crawling through the backyard
i am hiding under the car
i am gone
out of everything
i've gotten into, so far
i eat when i am hungry
and i travel alone
just outside all of the houses where i feel most at home

but in the window you sometimes appear
and your music is faint in my ear

virtue is relative at best
there's nothing worse than a sunset
when you're driving due west
and i'm afraid that
my life is gonna come up short
there is nothing there and i guess i'm scared
i want to have good news to reward our time
when i come up for air

[i like when something i've been in possesion of for a extended period of time finally opens its fucking mouth and shouts out to me. i like when i finally decide to listen.]

shine.